Under The Microscope

Rogue Amoeba Commissions Air Force

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Rogue Amoeba Software’s military capabilities took a large step forward on Saturday with the commissioning of the Rogue Amoeba Air Force. Software Engineer Mike Ash was promoted to the rank of General and named Chief of the RAAF in an elaborate ceremony.

In a speech given during the ceremony, General Ash stated, “I am proud to inaugurate a new day for Rogue Amoeba’s military forces. We shall toil ceaselessly to create a proud new tradition in the RAAF, and we shall not rest until the world is free from tyranny and united under the banner of Ammo.”

The Air Force was created with an initial acquisition of a German-built Schleicher ASW-20C glider. It will be used in reconnaissance and advanced training roles. Although Schleicher made no provisions to fit weapons, RAAF technicians are studying modifications to expand the capabilities of the ASW-20C.

The RAAF's aircraft sits proudly on the ramp
Chief of the Air Force General Ash demonstrates his latest acquisition to Chief of Armed Forces General Ammo

Rogue Amoeba CEO and Dictator for Life Paul Kafasis also spoke at the commissioning ceremony. In his speech, he said, “With this expansion of our forces, we have become an unstoppable power. I have every confidence that General Ash will use his resources to their utmost and that he shall give no quarter to our enemies!”

Chief of the Army General Alex Lagutin is already working on combined arms doctrine. While he could not be present on Saturday, his office issued a statement in which he proclaimed, “The addition of an air branch brings new possibilities to our operations. My staff is already working on plans for coordinating our actions to achieve swift victory!”

Chief Technology Officer Quentin Carnicelli has been secretly working on Unmanned Aerial Vehicle technology for several months. He presented a brief summary of his department’s accomplishments during the ceremony, which include remote video and the ability to take off from and land in short unimproved fields. He expressed his hopes that his UAVs would compliment the new Air Force, allowing Rogue Amoeba to field an unbeatable combination of both manned and robotic aircraft.

High-technology UAV equipment
The Rogue Amoeba UAV project at its secret base

Software Engineer Jeff Johnson also made a brief speech during Saturday’s ceremony in which he stated, “With this action, we shall soon liberate the peoples of the world and bring hope to the common man!” Software Engineer Guy English expressed his hope for a further expansion of Rogue Amoeba’s capabilities when he said, “Now all we need is a Navy and our dominance shall be complete.” General Ammo would neither confirm nor deny plans to commission a Navy when asked.

General Ash later declared that training missions in the RAAF aircraft had already begun, and that missions against the enemy would begin shortly. In his closing remarks, he said, “Our enemies shall tremble in fear at the merest thought of what we are capable of! If you are one of the unfortunates still living in occupied territory, be assured that your liberation is at hand, and keep watching the skis!”

3 Responses to “Rogue Amoeba Commissions Air Force”

  1. Paul D. Waite says:

    I dread to think what Flying Meat’s response will be.


  2. Florian says:

    I like you guys! Macs and airplanes – great combination!


  3. dan says:

    That is so cool. I wish I had a military.


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