Under The Microscope

An iPhone Timeline

Saturday, June 30th

9:33 AM: Enter Apple Store.

9:37 AM: Say “8 gig, please”. Specify that I do not, in fact, mean an 8 gig Nano. Come on now Mike.

9:40 AM: Leave Apple Store with custom iPhone bag that is both stylish and mugger-attracting.

9:49 AM: While driving home, chuckle about suckers who waited in line for hours yesterday. Get stared at by other drivers wondering what’s so funny.

10:10 AM: Arrive home to set up iPhone. Quickly reach final screen informing me this will take some more time and that I should watch my email.

10:17 AM: Receive email from Apple stating “AT&T is now processing your activation. You will receive an email confirmation once your activation is complete.” Or, to paraphrase: “Psyche!”

10:28 AM: Check email. Spam and an email from a friend who got his iPhone yesterday, and is emailing from the device. Set Mail to check every 5 minutes. Briefly consider the “Every 1 Minute” option, but shake it off.

10:31 AM: Notice my old AT&T (Cingular) phone is now dead. Feel mildly irked, but accept unavailability of phone service secure in the knowledge that the iPhone will be working shortly.

2:30 PM: Grumble about the iPhone not allowing you to do anything until activation.

2:31 PM: Stare alternately at Mail and iPhone for the next 4 hours. Realize I don’t have a lot going on today.

6:10 PM: Fail to order pizza for dinner, as no phone service is available. Recall the good old days of landlines.

7:30 PM: Leave house to attend a party, in the hopes that an unwatched iPhone activates. Resolve to refuse to pay the bogus $36 activation fee.

Sunday, July 1st

12:18 AM: Return from party to find that an unwatched iPhone remains a useless iPhone.

12:26 AM: Notice email sent by “do_not_reply@att.com”. Friendly! Tear it open (virtually) to find that AT&T is “currently processing [my] order” and that I “will receive an additional e-mail when [my] order is complete that will provide further instructions to activate your iPhone.”

Paraphrased: “Psyche! Again!”

12:34 AM: Wonder how it can be so hard to move a number from one phone to another on the same network. Also, wonder if I’m actually even close to ever being able to use the freaking thing.

12:54 AM: Consider calling 9-1-1 with the iPhone’s Emergency Mode, just to get it doing something. Reject idea out of hand as a criminal waste of resources.

1:01 AM: Recall Charlie Brown. Feel that I too got a rock. Both sit there doing nothing, but only one costs $600.

1:09 AM: Record the above-linked Charlie Brown audio with Audio Hijack Pro. Shamelessly self-promote. Use Fission to edit same. Continue to shamelessly self-promote.

1:14 AM: Write this post. Twiddle thumbs.

1:39 AM: Come to terms with the fact that there is likely to be little sympathy for this situation amongst the unwashed masses not in possession of an iPhone. Console self with beer, which requires no “activation” beyond a bottle opener.

1:53 AM: Apologize to Steve Jobs, the fates, and the aforementioned suckers for my hubris then, check email one last time. Zip, zilch, nada.

2:06 AM: Realize that calling 9-1-1 to report the apparent death of AT&T might actually be the right thing to do. Resolve to sleep on it.

Update (7/1/2007, 1 PM): Finally got it going. See iPhone No Longer iBrick for full details.

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